Beyond Words Mime Blog

Being still. Live By FAITH...not by sight. I had a sudden realization the past week. The ONLY time a person NEEDS faith, the only time FAITH is even relevant, is when everything adds up to IMPOSSIBLE. When there is no way that circumstances will align to create a viable solution it is THEN, when there is no HOPE on my own, only the promise that HE WILL...that moment is the beginning of FAITH. OH! how I have struggled and wrestled over one issue the past 4 years....living on nought but FAITH. Even though I have tried my best to pull things together to earn more, to find more work, to work really hard! YET, He has asks me to trust Him alone to be my financial provider. Apparently, God does not ask this of everyone! haha. This becomes a struggle when that human nature of comparing surfaces and I scream "LORD!! WHY??" There are some of us in this life who are asked to replace our assurance of income with FAITH alone. I am learning...this is anything but easy. I quite enjoy hard work, persistance, building endurance, paying bills, giving, saving, and yes, even a little spending! I actually enjoy doing all these things...when the money is there. My anxiety comes as a result of realizing that "I have done all that I know how to, or can possibly do and I cannot work any harder, cannot do any more to earn or make more money." Faith. Wow. It is not for the proud of heart...that certainly doesn't last long in the realm of living on faith. Living on faith is an experience that has simmered me down to where I must humble yourself and accept that there is nothing I can do to make my life work any better and I must rely on what God gives me financially. In fact, I MUST be STILL and allow God to finish the work He began in me, trusting that even though He may almost assuredly have me wait until the very last moment, He WILL finish what He began! I try to find more work, I try to exert myself more in another direction, bascially looking for more options...I inevitably end up frustrated and in tears because I simply cannot find another way to make more. Trying desperately to find a measure of control. I then relinquish my need for control to my Heavenly Father who has always provided all of my needs in His own time and by His own means. Always a miracle. Always on time. Always providing what is needed...and always without my help...and only by my being STILL. WHY THEN DO I TRY AND DO IT ON MY OWN? Because this is a blog, and because I wager to think that some of you who are reading this have faced many of these same thoughts and circumstances, I have set this to print, humbling though it may be. God, our loving Father, Jehovah Jirah (provider)is just as loving even when we are asked to wait without seeing or understanding. "He often witholds our enjoyment and awareness of our progress, because He knows best what will actually ripen and further His work in us." (Frances Ridley Havergal) So, in conclusion...do I struggle with living on faith alone, trusting God to be my financial provider? YES. Especially round about the 3rd week of the month when I see the end of the month looming in the distance! YET...just when that last moment is approaching THERE comes the answer, He makes a way when there seems to be no way. Is it worth it? Is it really worth being in a perpetual state of dependance on someone I cannot see, by means that I cannot see? Oh yes. I think my faith grows just a little bit more with every month that comes...and goes. You see, if faith is only needed when things are impossible...then without faith...my life would be impossible. God DOES the impossible when we put our faith in Him.

Life holds so many promises...but only the one's that are made by our Heavenly Father are the promises that will hold. How BIG His footsteps are...and how little and trying my steps in comparison. Do you, like me, ever find yourself knowing that God is preparing you for something BIG and you just cannot help yourself...you begin to PLAN and organize and develop strategies....THEN...frustration because somehow things are moving SO deseperately slow. WHY? Then it dawns on me. I have usurped my boundaries as a CHILD and am now taking over for the role my Father should play. It is at that moment I empty my pockets of all the plans, gadgets, knicknacks and things I have gathered in my planning and preparing and organizing...trying to make things MOVE on my own. I suddenly realize what it is I have taken...He opens His Hand...an open invitation for me to put all those things into it. I place them all there and taking a small step back, I bow my head. He tenderly wraps His fingers around that which I have surrendered to his care. Gives me a knowing smile and plants another seed of faith in the now warm, softened soil of my heart's core; causing its rhythm to pound more sure. "Wait with me." He whispers. "Remember, I promised." Much to my wonder, my amazement and joy, within weeks, sometimes a few days, hours, even moments...He reveals the next step in HIS plan. That which I had seen to be so impassible, had indeed come to pass. I dance for there are no words to magnify the gratitude in my heart that I am privileged to see the greatness of my Father at work in a simple girl like me. That He would care for ME. Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come? Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home? When Jesus is my portion. My constand friend is He! His eye is on the sparrow....and I know He watches me... His eye is on the sparrow, and I KNOW HE WATCHES ME. I sing because I'm happy! I sing because I'm free! His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me! (by lyricist Civilla D. Martin and composer Charles H. Gabriel in 1905)